High Stateciety

While the rest of you losers out there in the great wasteland known as 'Murka lick your wounds, here in Beervana, we remained (relatively) sane and easily re-elected our surprisingly-not-completely-useless Democrats, and legalized pot. Overwhelmingly, also, too: 703,275 to 579,188. Took us a few tries over the last couple cycles, but hey, I'll take it.

Fuck. Yeah.

So, come July (yeah, unfortunately it'll be a while before the law takes effect), I think I'll brew up an inaugural batch of Mary Jane Ale wherein I legally toss in a gram or two of legal pot along with the hops. I'd replace all the hops with pot, but hops are only $4 an ounce, and beer needs multiple ounces... You do the math.

I've been avoiding the news other than this, since when I glanced at it briefly all I saw was "OMG NEW REPUBLICAN MAN-DATE LET'S HEAR FROM CHRIS CHRISTIE ABOUT HOW AWESOME THIS ALL IS AND WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR 2016!!!!?!?!!!?!?!?" -- is there any other good news to glean from the otherwise shitty midterms out there in your necks of the woods?

Whoah, I almost forgot the obligatory soundtrack:

Opinions differ

There is dissension in the blogroll!

I'm with Drifty -- vote, then bitch later -- but I understand the "whatever, fuck it" mentality that pervades these mid-term shenanigans. We have some interesting shit going on in Beerville (legal marijuana, fuck yeah!) and some really nasty house races. Oh yeah, and piss-lover Art Robinson, always good for a laugh.

It's all a bit anticlimactic here since we vote by mail. "Election day" is a bit meaningless, other than it being the last day you can get your ballot in and the day the counting finishes up. But with luck, hopefully today we'll all get to listen to this in celebration after it's all counted up:

We'll see. Keep your fingers crossed.

Wimp-out Wednesday

I'm gonna be lazy and outsource today's blogging. Huge surprise, I know.

First, if you're not reading Jesus And Mo, you should be:

b) This is a pretty good McSweeney's column about guns. A tidbit:

Three years ago, my wife and I got concealed-carry firearms permits. A lot of people have asked why we did that. The answer is short: we did it because of a weekend column in the newspaper. Plus, we wanted to do something new, and we weren’t afraid of guns.

The official gun evangelist answer, on the other hand, is longer: “Why not a concealed carry? Are they trying to infringe upon your sacred Second Amendment right to Keep And Bear Arms, bestowed upon you and all of your Fellow Citizens by God Himself, as He directed our Founding Fathers to ensure Freedom from Tyranny for all Freedom-loving Patriots who need to defend Themselves and their Families from the Government and the Maniacs that lurk outside our homes across this Beloved Nation and—"

While that tirade continues, back to the short answer. It was summertime, and one night as my wife and I sat on the front porch reading our local newspaper (on our laptop screens because the “paper” only exists in binary code now) I caught one of those Things to Do This Weekend pieces that typically run in the Friday issue of any paper.

[...]

Read the whole, etc., blah.

Or not. What the fuck do I care?

I made this...

...for no particular reason.

Please feel free to use it, I'm sure it'll come in handy in various situations.

Updated: Originally a Ute Ooob but I fixxorated it and made it a really fucking big gif on Imgur for more versatility. Please note new zoomishness. You're welcome.

EVERYBODY PANIC!!!

Since I'm the world's laziest blogger, I'm just gonna take this comment I left over at Helmut's place and repurpose it here slightly edited.

---

[Ebola] is a nasty disease, but at this point it's just being used as a tool for panic. Hey, it keeps the rubes scared, so it's useful until the next shiny thing comes along. The CDC and the Texas hospital did some stupid shit, otherwise it would have been over as soon as it started.

Meanwhile, how many people have died of the regular ol' flu this year?¹ How many got vaccinated? How many have been gunned down?² Oh, no sorry, we don't talk about those things.

People are very, very bad at evaluating risk. Like, horrifically, comically bad.

The only thing I'd like to ever hear about ebola again is a report about who exactly is paying for all this expensive care. I can't imagine these poor folks getting flown around on special private ebola-jets are getting it for free, that'd just be unAmerican. We couldn't have that. I hope their surviving relatives are being billed [/snark].

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Stay scared, America.

¹ More than 20 thousand people die every year in the US from the flu (get vaccinated, dumbasses).

² Approximately 32 thousand gun deaths a year. But let's not talk about that, because we may start wondering why there are so many fucking guns in this country. Oh look, a sportsball game is on!

Coincidence?

Is it simply coincidence that two of the worst days evar, Indigenous People Genocide Day and Monday The Thirteenth happen to occur on the same day? Hmm? HMMMMM!?!

Unpossible.

Wake up, sheeple.

TRAFFIC UPDATE: Evidently the previous stupid pun post got over 500 page views on Saturday alone, making it one of the most popular single pages on my site, ever. But there are no comments. At. All.

Who the fuck linked to me? There's no sign of it in the stats page. Must've been...

Can't we just...

...give peas a chance?

(And a collective groan is heard all 'round the blogoverse.)