TIMELY WARNING

This urgent "Timely warning" from the Oregon State Police just showed up to my work email:

On Monday, December 2, 2013 Oregon State University received reports of three burglaries occurring in offices of University staff. The items stolen include a laptop computer, wallets, credit cards, cash, and identification. The credit cards were then used to make purchases at local merchants. Please take steps to protect your property. Do not leave your office unlocked, even for brief moments. Wallets, purses, book bags, and backpacks should not be left unattended.

Suspect #1
NAME:                  Unknown
RACE:                  African - American
GENDER:                Male
HAIR:                  Black
EYES:                  Brown
HEIGHT:                Tall Possibly 6’04”
WEIGHT:                Thin 195 – 200 lbs.
APPEARANCE:            Clean cut, no facial hair, wearing dark glasses
APPROXIMATE AGE:       20 – 30 years old

Suspect #2
NAME:                  Unknown
RACE:                  Unknown
GENDER:                Female
HAIR:                  Black, straightened, shoulder length
EYES:                  Unknown
HEIGHT:                5’06” – 5’07” tall
WEIGHT:                Medium build
APPROXIMATE AGE:       20 – 30 years old

If you see anyone matching this description on campus, do not approach or contact them. Call the Oregon State Police, University Patrol Office at 541-737-3010.

Please note that little bit of stuff I highlighted tt the end there. Yes, you read that right -- we're supposed to call the police if we see a tall 20-30 year old black dude, and/or an average 20-30 year old girl. ON A UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. It's certainly a good thing that people like that really stand out around here. The only way this could have been less specific is if we were supposed to look for a girl wearing leggings and Ugg™ boots.

This is an excellent use of police and campus resources, and will definitely lead to the suspect's imminent arrest. Yep, no doubt 'bout it.

Old Fogey Faculty Friday

5000 new freshmen just spent the last week moving into the dorms on campus. This is how I feel when trying to ride my bike around campus right now.

[something something getoffamylawn something]

Oregon's Dumbest... Aw fuck it!

Oregon's Stupidest Fucking Shithead Glibertarian is at it again.

All you need to know about today's stupidity is that "taxation is theft" -- as if that's a new and clever idea -- and that everybody was better off 100 years ago before income taxes.

No really, that's pretty much it.

I really can't even bother with this shithead anymore, it's just not worth it. I mean you'd think he would at least try!

Fuck it.

Modes of Transport

For the discerning modern college student there are a variety of popular modes of transport. We shall examine here two traditional examples.

First we have the simple motor car, a favorite of many. Drawbacks include parking issues on a cramped campus (illustrated here by illegally parking in a faculty lot), and the inherent douchiness of driving around a $114,200 Audi R8 as a college student.

We shall assume that as the day brightened and the frosty morning chill wore off, this student decided to drop by home and pick up a more seasonal and breezy ride. Also a favorite among students, the motor scooter offers that can't-be-beat wind-in-the-hair motoring experience with a bonus of abundant free parking near campus. Additional pluses on our example below include the forward-mounted rocket launcher and advanced fan-propulsion and lifting rotor system to evade pursuit by campus security. Far superior to any mere German sports coupe on a sunny day.

Compare & Contrast

New OSU "Beaver" logo:

Designed by the wizards at Nike, along with corresponding new uniform designs for all the various sports.

Here is the current logo that one is replacing:

That one was a redesign they did back in 2000. After the original Benny Beaver had been around since 1951. You'd think we could hang onto this one for longer than that, but I guess not.

Anyway, here is an actual beaver:

(creative commons photo credit: Tancread@flickr)

Uncanny, eh?

Evidently the students seem to like the new look, so that's good I guess. Of course the real reason for the change is most likely to encourage the thousands of idiotic football fans to buy replacement replica outfits so they can "support" their team while they watch "student athletes" continue to be exploited by the NCAA. I'm sure OSU and Nike came to a mutually profitable understanding about all this. I'm also pretty sure only a tiny portion of this (if any) will actually ever trickle down to the University's general fund. So it is, so shall it ever be.

Vintage

This post is dedicated to a certain testicle's Instagram endorsement.

Pics taken on my walk to the bus stop tonight. No Instagrams were harmed --or used-- in the creation of this blahg post.

FORGOTTEN DRUNKEN NIGHT PHOTO UPDATE:

Not sure whether I prefer this version that doesn't really indicate the scale:

Or this version that adds the bleakness of the barbed wire/chain link: