War On Christmas: Battle Of The School Concert

It was a brisk, drizzle-filled night, as the troops marched toward the festively lit auditorium. The mood was generally light and upbeat, as the least religious place in the country did not expect the other side to put up much of a fight. Oh how we were wrong. So, so wrong.

It started innocently enough, with a packed house facing an undecorated stage filled with chairs for the band and a raised choir platform. A few of the troops glanced suspiciously at the decorated tree next to the sound board, but didn't think much of it. A generally optimistic platoon chatted lightly as some students took the stage.

Then, suddenly, we were under assault! Without even a chance to realize what was happening, the choir broke into "Oh Come All Ye Faithful." I watched veterans wince and writhe in agony, some barely able to hang onto their seats as the onslaught battered them. How was this happening? We knew no battle plan survives after the first shots are fired, but we were so unprepared for this. How could we be so naïve?

The strong among us fought back, glaring and grimacing menacingly at the stage until this first volley was past. Expecting our valiant troops to fire back with shouted boos and hisses, we hardened veterans were shocked to see our fellow soldiers applauding heartily! What is this treachery? Had we been infiltrated unknowingly by Christmas troops? It's like they knew our every move before we could react. This was going to be a bloodbath.

At this point the more experienced among us realized we must hold our ground as best we could and hope for a chance to retreat and regroup. This was a wholly unexpected attack from heretofore unknown quarters of the enemy, somehow secreted away in our former bastion of safety. Was everything we knew a lie? They had recruited our own kin against us! This must not, cannot, be allowed to succeed!

As the troops exchanged worried glances, the next assault began... But lo, what is this!? It's "Winter Wonderland"! Huzzah! All is not lost -- to arms! To arms!

Buoyed by this turn in the battle, we knew we still had a chance. Our children had not fully succumbed. The battle would go on... and on... and on...

After an hour and forty minutes of back-and-forth, the troops on both sides were bloody and bruised. Some had slumped in their seats, either dead or feigning so to avoid further agony. Overall the battle was almost even with many casualties on both sides, but we had the upper hand. Then the choir appeared alone, with hardbound books cradled gently in their outstretched hands. What is this? What fiendishness do they have planned now?

The grinning choir leader then announced... A LATIN MASS! But how... why... This just isn't possible. The dejected remaining troops were visibly taken aback, a stunned silence reigned, but we held firm. We couldn't let them beat us, not after making it this far.

Oh, were we not prepared for what followed. Endless indecipherable Latin, ebbing and flowing, rising to a hopeful crescendo of "Hallelujah, hallelujah" -- this certainly must be the end -- no, there are still more pages in that dastardly book of theirs. It went on... and on... and on...

...

And on... and on... until finally, after 20 long minutes of brutality, it was over. We sat stunned, shocked at this terrible savagery. Where could this have come from? Here, in our stronghold? It was inconceivable. How could they win here of all places? We were ruined.

And then, just as we prepared to gather the dead and retreat, defeated, the choir leader approached her microphone... What, is it not done? What horror can you further inflict on us, you MONSTER? We braced ourselves, we were surely all doomed... What is she preparing to say? Just get it over with!

"Have a nice night, happy holidays!"

Huzzah! The battle was long and many were lost. In the end, we managed the ultimate victory! Oh the joy, the relief!

This day will live forever as one of the greatest battles in this long war. May our valiant troops around the world take heart and never give up. Stay strong warriors, stay strong!

Happy holidays indeed.

The Reverse Boehner

Tengrain over at Mock Paper Scissors posted the original video of Weepy McStagger, but I wanted to see what it looked like reversed:

Now I think it looks like he's saying "I think I did a pretty good job?" which is even more appropriate. And the look at the end is priceless. Alternate ideas of what he might be saying/thinking in this reverse universe are of course welcome.

Snow in Oregon.

This doesn't happen around here very often.

TIMELY WARNING

This urgent "Timely warning" from the Oregon State Police just showed up to my work email:

On Monday, December 2, 2013 Oregon State University received reports of three burglaries occurring in offices of University staff. The items stolen include a laptop computer, wallets, credit cards, cash, and identification. The credit cards were then used to make purchases at local merchants. Please take steps to protect your property. Do not leave your office unlocked, even for brief moments. Wallets, purses, book bags, and backpacks should not be left unattended.

Suspect #1
NAME:                  Unknown
RACE:                  African - American
GENDER:                Male
HAIR:                  Black
EYES:                  Brown
HEIGHT:                Tall Possibly 6’04”
WEIGHT:                Thin 195 – 200 lbs.
APPEARANCE:            Clean cut, no facial hair, wearing dark glasses
APPROXIMATE AGE:       20 – 30 years old

Suspect #2
NAME:                  Unknown
RACE:                  Unknown
GENDER:                Female
HAIR:                  Black, straightened, shoulder length
EYES:                  Unknown
HEIGHT:                5’06” – 5’07” tall
WEIGHT:                Medium build
APPROXIMATE AGE:       20 – 30 years old

If you see anyone matching this description on campus, do not approach or contact them. Call the Oregon State Police, University Patrol Office at 541-737-3010.

Please note that little bit of stuff I highlighted tt the end there. Yes, you read that right -- we're supposed to call the police if we see a tall 20-30 year old black dude, and/or an average 20-30 year old girl. ON A UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. It's certainly a good thing that people like that really stand out around here. The only way this could have been less specific is if we were supposed to look for a girl wearing leggings and Ugg™ boots.

This is an excellent use of police and campus resources, and will definitely lead to the suspect's imminent arrest. Yep, no doubt 'bout it.

Ancient Technology Tuesday, Take Two

Employees of Oregon Beer Snob Enterprises®© LOL, LLC will not further discuss any appearances by employees at computer camp in the summer of '84 and will also not discuss or fondly remember sexy shenanigans between young beersnobs and female(s) of the nerdy kind at said camp.

Also: youth is wasted on the young.

DK Friday

I dunno why, it just seems like this should go here today for some reason.

Failibuster

Way to (finally) go, Harry! Moar pleez.

Funny Face Friday

The good Mr. Substance McGravitas made a face at me, so I decided to make a more colorful, likely seizure-inducing, version back at him:

 

The Needle And The Damage Done

While the photoshoopery is fun, the more mundane of our political realities are really fucking pissing me off. I'd really, really like to hope that this is a sign of some clever politicking that is ideally designed to quiet the constant barrage of noisy OMGWTFBBQ!? over the non-compliant policy cancellations. I dunno, I'd like to hope I guess. Anyway, the whole "MM-MUH PLAN! WHUT ABOUT MUH PRESHUS PLAN!" bullshit, along with Neil Young's recent birthday (68!) collided here:

I feel like it would be perfect if we adjust the lyrics a teensy bit for the current situation:

I caught them knockin'
at my cellar door
We love you, baby,
can we have some more?
Ooh, ooh, the damage done.

I hit the city and
I lost my friends
I watched the needle
take another plan
Gone, gone, the damage done.

I sing the song
because I love the plan
I know that some
of you won't understand
Milk-blood
to keep from running out.

I've seen the needle
and the damage done
A little part of it in everyone
But every flunkie's
like a settin' sun.

Meh, that'll work. As usual, vast readership, suggestions welcome in the comments.

Inspirational

DrVacuumBSpenSlayerWater over at LGM posted the original cover. I couldn't resist:

Franzia? Really?

OK, of course I love the fact that 300 random people dressed up in wacky outfits and got together to drink and ride their bikes through Corvallis. But... Franzia? In Oregon, home to some absolutely fucking amazing beer, you choose to drink cheap box wine?

I just... I don't even... I expect better of you Oregon. I. Expect. Better!

Dr. Dudebro's Dudebroing for Fun And Profit.

Just got this e-mail:

At its November meeting, the State Board's Academic Strategies Committee approved OSU's proposal for the Ph.D. in Business Administration degree program. This program will be effective Fall Term 2014.

The program will offer two graduate options: Innovation/Commercialization and Accounting. The primary objective of this degree is to prepare its graduates for careers in research and teaching at research-oriented colleges and universities.

It's bad enough that campus is infested with a bunch of dudebros working on their MBAs, now they will be able to continue their studies even longer.

I wonder what their theses will look like? Hmm...

• The CTO's Dilemma: A Quantitative Assessment Of Just How Many Wimmens You Must Employ To Not Appear Misogynistic
• Prophet and profit: A Dynamic Model For Maximizing Revenue In Modern Christianity
• A Qualitative Review of Effective Elevator Statements of The Early 21st Century

Maybe my vast commentariat can suggest some more. No fair cheating and looking at the actual topics Stanford's Ph.D. program has produced for ideas.

Beers In Spaaaaaaaaaace!

Yeah, yeah, it's really "Beers At The Edge Of Spaaaaaaaaaaace!" but still. Anybody have a spare $75k laying around they want to let me use? I promise I'll never pay it back.

'And should your space-induced euphoria turn to stomach-churning apprehension at the thought of the inevitable free-fall drop and parafoil-guided skid, do know that the World View capsule does have on board something to take the edge off your fear: a well-stocked bar that will fortify you by ensuring that you can "sip the beverage of your choice."'

It's a damn good thing there's gonna be a bar on board, I think I'd need a few in me to be able to handle that landing. I'd still do it if I could though.

Ancient Technology Tuesday

I've been a geek since forever, so when I just found this my whole childhood flashed before my eyes. It's the Internet Archive's new collection of vintage software from "back in the day" and it's all useable right in your browser. O.M.F.G.

Yes, there are lots of games, but classic "real" software like WordStar and Visicalc too.

I may never get any work done ever again.

Update: Welcome C&L readers. Please enjoy yourselves and have a look around: beer's in the fridge, we have some nice Oregon Pinot Noir in the cellar and a few bottles of single malt in the cupboard. Help yourselves.

Requests

I'm known to occasionally take requests, if the mood strikes. This was one of them.

It's A Strange Universe

Where the worlds of Mickey Kaus and XKCD collide:

Thin-skinned Thug Thursday

Today we must shed a tear for this poor soul who, clearly through no fault of his own, suffered mightily and lost his job for just doing it too damn well.

What have we become? Hopefully after this settlement, this sad, beleaguered man can move on and will find a new job. Perhaps he could sign on with Fox News to cover the hippy-punching beat? Nah, that'd probably be too traumatic for him and might further hurt his widdle fee-fees. Perhaps Blackwater/Xe/Whatever-the-fuck-they-changed-their-name-to-now is hiring? I'm sure some brown people somewhere need to be tortured. They should give him a call.

Forgotten Fabulousness Friday

A lazy and undoubtedly non-reoccurring occasion where I reverse-sort my music library by number of plays and see what kind of shit I have laying around that I forgot about, and then make you listen to them:

Faith No More: Easy

Bobby Darin: More

Weezer: Undone

Monkey Wrench: It's Your Right. (an unfortunately shitty live recording is all I could find quickly)

William Clarke: Pawnshop Bound

Shellac: Watch Song

There! Plenty of variety for everybody to have something to hate.

Coasting

The Oregon coast is pretty when it's not pouring rain.

Rogue's main brewery is just behind and to the right of the main arch of the Yaquina Bay Bridge:

Rogue had their semi-annual garage sale this past weekend, which meant there were a variety of 12-packs of 22oz bottles of their beers for $20. Normally they're about $5 to $10 per bottle which is just fucking ridiculous; they're OK beers but not worth the prices they charge. At the garage sale prices it was a no-brainer to bring home a few cases.

Just beachy.

What did I tell you, Ron?

See Ron, this is why you don't make alliances with the Evil Empire (warning, icky WSJ link):

So the president has negotiated before, and he can do so now. In 2011, Oregon's Democratic Sen. Ron Wyden and I offered ideas to reform Medicare. We had different perspectives, but we also had mutual trust. Neither of us had to betray his principles; all we had to do was put prudence ahead of pride.

There's your good buddy using you to help him try to destroy the country, just like he did when you "helped" him with his plan to destroy the social safety net. Stop falling for this shit, gawdammit!

Mimic Monday

I needed to get Miley Boner off the top of my blog, and conveniently today's XKCD is pretty good:

Shutdown Shenanigans

You're welcome. Please especially note that I enabled a nice hi-def zoom, 'cause I'm such a kind, caring person. Just going the extra mile for my vast readership, as usual.

UPDATE for new meme.

Thanks to paleotectonics for the idea:

Old Fogey Faculty Friday

5000 new freshmen just spent the last week moving into the dorms on campus. This is how I feel when trying to ride my bike around campus right now.

[something something getoffamylawn something]

Comic Sans

(left this as a comment at Rumproast but decided it really needed an illustration for proper effect)

Old Fogey Friday

Yeah, I like Neil Young, and the Le Noise album. Sosumi.

Hmm...

I wonder what I'll be doing this week?

Nope, I have no idea, it's a total mystery.

Ha Ha!

Oh no, we won't be able to read Friedman or Brooks! Boo hoo, whatever shall we do!?

[Long resigned sigh]

I'm back from vacation. I wish I wasn't.

What'd I miss? Nah, on second thought, don't tell me -- I'm sure it's all too depressing.

R.I.P. George Duke

Sigh. Another one down...

R.I.P. George.

Too excellent not to embed update:

Thanks M. B.

How insidery?

None more insidery!

I really need to stop reading TPM.

This "article" from TPM is a classic of anonymously-sourced insidery bullshit. Here, just take the first couple "lede grafs" (as the insidery journamalists like to say):

The unlikeliest of alliances forged between two once-bitter rivals stands to upend the status quo of congressional gridlock and potentially resolve a bitter partisan chasm that has characterized the modern era of crisis governance.

Yes, President Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) are essentially working together against GOP leadership and the tea party to break the Senate out of its current situation and resolve major budget rifts that have plagued Washington for years.

Of course, if you actually read the rest of the shitty article, it's all just the typical beltway "oh, if only the two sides could just talk to each other and work out a compromise bipartisan agreement that just so happens to be exactly what conservatives want, we'd finally all get our magic tax-free rainbow sparkleponies!" Well that, and it turns out that all McCain actually cares about is the military, as usual.

But hey, it's almost August, just about time for a series of these shitty articles, D.C.'s equivalent of "Shark attacks on the rise!" and "OMG Weiners with wieners!"

Yay. I can hardly wait.

Hawaiian Humpday

So. Much. Food...

So I shut down my heart, and I turned on my TV

The title is a great lyric from the title track of the new punk/country album Mayberry by one of my all-time favorite local bands I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch In The House.

Here, have a listen, if the links to this site work:

I Can Lick Any SOB In The House – Mayberry
I Can Lick Any SOB In The House – Bones
I Can Lick Any SOB In The House – King James

Or y'know, just buy the damn thing, it's only $5.99 on emusic or you can spend more for it at CD Baby if you don't have an emusic subscription.

They don't have any ute oobs up yet of songs from the new album, but here's an acoustic version of the referenced song they recorded at Couch by Couchwest:

---

Updated: Dammit, the song links are all dead now, go figure. Just preview the song at emusic. Fuckit, here are some conciliatory videos from older albums:

Wayback Wednesday

The Iron Maiden documentary Flight 666 was on TV last night, so of course I had to watch. It was actually kinda neat to see that one of the favorite bands of my youf is still out there having a blast. Of course it's available (for now anyway) on the Ute Oobs, if you have a couple hours to kill:

And since it had been forever, I just had to listen to the Powerslave album again (digitized from my "picture" LP no less!), for old timey sake. Here's a long-ass song from that album based on the famous Coleridge poem. Who knew that an '80s heavy metal band could inspire a teenager to read Coleridge? Crazy. I saw them on this tour back in '85, good times.

Oregon

is horrible and ugly and the beer is terrible. Stay away.

(Note, I have no idea who the tiny people are in the waterfall photo. They do help to show the scale though.)

Summer!

I see that M. Bouffant (and probably countless others) has beaten me to the punch, but I just don't care.

Oh well: today we celebrate that our lovely (for now) planet, tilted slightly on its axis, continues to rotate around the sun giving us Northern-hemispherians (suckit upsidedowners!) the delightful summer season, and the longest day of the year.

Alternately, you could think, "This sucks! It's hot! And now the days just get shorter again 'til December! Why doesn't Obama do something about the seasons? He's worse than Cheney McHitler!" But that would merely get you a well paying position at any of a wide variety of journamalistic organs, and we certainly wouldn't want that.

So anyway, yay, summer! Have some obscure versions of the classic "Summertime" -- I say "obscure" but I'm sure The Zombie has seen all these people live, even the ones that have been dead for 50 years. Regardless, I like how the song can be interpreted so many different ways and always be excellent.

Sidney Bechet:

Friends Of Dean Martin(ez):

(Side note: the band was originally "Friends Of Dean Martin" but then Dean Martin's estate sued them and they were forced to change it.)

Actually, this last one is not-obscure-at-all, Billie Holiday:

Now I'm gonna go camping and drink a bunch of beer. Surprise.

Blahg Post

Contents: music.

Explanatory paragraph punctuated with witty remark.

Good Luck With That

There's a vast array of people coming out against the recently-rediscovered NSA spying stuff, and I am happy to see that. I commend all of these folks that are working against it, but I have to say that things like this:

"Now is the time for Congress to act," EFF attorney Mark Rumold said in a statement. "We don't need a narrow fix to one part of the PATRIOT Act; we need a full public accounting of how the United States is turning sophisticated spying technology on its own citizens, we need accountability from public officials, and we need an overhaul of the laws to ensure these abuses can never happen again."

Is just fucking laughable. Yes, we need that. Unfortunately, the American people don't care or are actively enthused that they're spied upon, because hey "I ain't got nuthin' to hide. If that there NSA thingy catches sum terrists, then it's fine by me!"

The chances of congress doing anything useful in regard to this is exactly zero. Oh, I imagine they'll do something, it just won't actually stop any of this. Remember, the last time folks noticed this was happening, the administration doing it was doing it in secret (like now), and also illegally without congressional or court oversight. What was congress' reaction then?

They made it legal. Retroactively.

Now, since a Dem is in power, it's going to be milked as a scandal by the usual suspects for a while, but the reality is that both sides want to continue to do this, and will. And again, the quaint idea that:

"we need accountability from public officials, and we need an overhaul of the laws to ensure these abuses can never happen again."

is even conceivable in today's America is just a sad, sad joke.

We live in a world where people will happily give over private details of their lives to mega-corporations like Facebook and Google (look where you're reading this!) for free. If offered a chocolate bar, people will give up even more private information, including passwords. No, really. People just don't care that they don't have any privacy anymore, and in the cases where they do care, it's mostly about things they would rather their parents/spouses/friends/social circles/etc didn't know about.

Civil libertarians and folks like the EFF quoted above are rightly worried about our continued slide into a constant surveillance state and I wish them the best. Unfortunately it will be a huge uphill battle to get anything done in the face of a completely apathetic public and a solidly entrenched culture of surveillance and secrecy in all parts of our government.

Bluesy Friday

Woo, Friday. Have some blues:

Original song as played by R.L. Burnside:

A great modern version (2004) with R.L. in attendance just before his death:

Jr. Kimbrough doing "Done Got Old":

Heartless Bastards version:

You're welcome.

Yay Oregon! Part Two

BREAKING! URGENT!*

After yesterday's post about GMO wheat, Another article out today with a bit more detail. The telling bit from there is this:


"STREAMLINED" SYSTEM

Heavy criticism has already hit Monsanto, including a lawsuit filed Monday by a U.S. farmer who is alleging the seed company was negligent in allowing its experimental seed to escape its control.

Monsanto countered that its wheat development program was "government-directed, rigorous and well-documented and audited."

The field trials were conducted under a streamlined system known as "notification," which is more lenient than the tightly controlled permitting process.

Under the permit process, companies must establish buffer areas around field trial sites to help avoid contamination of neighboring fields; to use only dedicated machinery and storage facilities for GMO material; and train personnel. Annual inspections are required.

Under the notification process, there are fewer field inspections and regulators rely largely on developers like Monsanto for evaluating and reporting the adequacy of their controls.

Over time, more and more field trials have come under the notification process and it now accounts for the vast majority of field trials on biotech crops.

In light of the discovery in Oregon, USDA should assess its review process, said U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley of Oregon.

"This incident underscores the need for an agency review of field-testing practices to determine how to avoid this situation in the future," he said.


(emPHAsis mine)

Again, who could've possibly predicted that allowing massive corporations to police themselves would result in anything but glorious positive outcomes and rainbow sparkleponies for all? Inconceivable.

Also, thankfully we have an actual progressive Democratic Senator now in Merkley that isn't in the corporate pocket like his predecessor Smith was, and isn't a traditional, wishy-washy, centrist, Paul Ryan-lovin' "normal" Democrat.

(*Note: not urgent at all)

Yay Oregon!

Care to guess which state could possibly ruin all international sales of U.S.-grown wheat? Yep, it's us!

Go Oregon! Woo! We're number one!

Well, I mean technically, if you want to be pedantic, Monsanto had a little bit to do with it also. But who could've ever predicted that trials of a genetically modified crop could possibly escape into the wild? I mean, that's clearly inconceivable.

Disclaimer: Beer produced by Oregon Beer Snob™ Enterprises LLC, EFI, LOL©® does not contain any wheat, GMO or otherwise...

For now...

Today In "Duh!"

So it turns out if you try to shrink government small enough to drown in a tub, there are eventually some consequences.

What!? This came as a huge surprise to me too. Nobody could've predicted, etc.

Thankfully, the brilliant "job creators" that are so busy creating jobs in other countries to make cheap crap to sell to rubes here will be able to sail their yachts off to the Cayman Islands and live out their lives in peace while we fight for scraps.

I mean that's obviously what's really important after all.

Random Music Wednesday

My musical history, like your mom, is pretty broad.

My dad is a professional musician and was always playing bars/clubs whether he had a day job or not. He encouraged me to listen to mostly whatever I liked, as long as it wasn't "crap." So I once I was able to buy my own records I ended up with mostly stuff from The Stones, Neil Young, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa, The Who, etc. As I got older I moved onto a bunch of harder rock and heavy metal -- Blue Öyster Cult, Iron Maiden, etc., and went through a brief punk phase, mostly stuff like Black Flag, Bad Brains and Dead Kennedys. I also started listening to other random stuff and generally expanding my horizons. While I never could stand any sort of contemporary Country music, I liked the old traditional stuff and got into a bunch of the old country clues and bluegrass and stuff. I also started enjoying all different kinds of jazz especially Miles Davis. Anyway, I also went through an early techno/electronica phase. Tangerine Dream...

... and Jean Michel Jarre:

...made all my '70s childhood "space age" dreams seem possible, and were just the thing for a geeky, computer obsessed, very stoned teenager. Somewhat ironically, I still have that stuff on vinyl, but have never converted it. Haven't listened to them in ages.
So, to the present. While browsing around eMusic last night needing to use up my monthly credit, I ran into the new Daft Punk album. I'd seen it mentioned and the iconic cover art was familiar, so I gave it a try. This song:

Reminded me of all that stuff.

Ah, nostalgia.

Oh yeah, and this is my 100th post. Woo.

Monday The Thirteenth

This day should be the day we all fear, not the traditionally scary Friday.

Here, have a scary spider:

May viewing this blahg be the worst thing that happens to you today.

Why Not?

So evidently this is a thing.

I'll play along:

Meh.

It's Always Rainy In Oregon

Or, y'know, not.

Although we seem to have broken the planet, it looks like Oregon might be a pretty nice place to be, at least until the hordes of ravenous humanity fleeing the desolation of what was once California arrive.

Hopefully they won't show up until after the weekend. I have plans.

May Day! Mayday?

I still have a job. For now. Yay.

Unfortunate that nobody even notices May Day in the U.S. anymore, even though the change from a traditional spring holiday to a modern worker's rights holiday celebrated in pretty much the whole rest of the world is related to an American incident.

Anyway, cheers! If you don't have a job, may your search be short and your résumé be type-o free. If you have a job, may our glorious international corporate overlords not decide that it's more efficiently done in a deadly Bangladeshi sweatshop.

No one Everyone could've predicted...

...that our glorious corporate overlords (all hail!) pushing for more "skilled" immigration to solve our desperate "skills shortage" were doing so solely in order to keep wages in the STEM sectors low.

A brief excerpt:

If there was a shortage of IT jobs then you'd expect wages to rise, but in fact the team found wages in the field (on average) peaked in 2001 and have remained flat ever since, and in some cases have fallen over the last 14 years. The reason, according to the research, is that overseas workers are being recruited to keep wages low.

The researchers found that the US produces a surfeit of STEM graduates, but only half of them are hired. The rest of the jobs in the IT industry, primarily entry-level positions for the under 30s, are filled using foreign workers and may account for up to 50 per cent of new hires.

"Even our high-end estimate, of 50 percent, is a conservative estimate of the proportion of guestworkers hired," Professor Salzman told The Register. Salzman has spent the last 13 years researching this area of the market and has amassed a large body of evidence to support his claims.

I'm so surprised.

Just to be clear, I'm totally fine with immigration. Let people come here, whether they want to be ag workers, or tech workers. Just don't pretend that a certain kind of immigration is all swell and good and shiny while a darker icky smelly kind of immigration is eleventy times as bad as Hitler.

R.I.P.

Richie Havens, yet another relatively unsung great, died today. If not for the vagaries of fucked up logistics at Woodstock, he may never have even garnered the minor fame he ended up with -- he went on first because all the other filthy hippies were late.

Regardless, he was a man able to transform the blues standard "Motherless Child" into the Woodstock classic "Freedom":

RIP Richie.

UPDATE

Moar, 'cause fuck you Mr. Death:

The following contains the entirety of the first video above after the initial song. Oh well, sosumi.

Update again, 'cause fuck you that's why:

Update again: Moar? Yeah, more, you got a problem with that?

Fuck the NRA

And the creatures in congress that they own. Fuck them right in the ear, with the biggest example of one of the fucking guns they worship.

What a horrible, fucked up, shitty week.

Nothin'

I have nothing positive to say about anything. So here, have a puppy in a bowl:

Blinkout

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm having too much fun with this shit, but I don't care.

You really really need to

C'mon, you know you want to... All the kewl kids are doing it...

Evil Zedbra

For the fine folks at Riddled:

RIP Blinky, take 2

Since you lot were so enamored with my previous seizure-inducing ode to Blinky the wonder tag, here's something even worse! A twitching, blinking, color-shifting monstrosity that will terribly frighten and/or nauseate all viewers. Be sure to share it with your friends!

Much like last time, we first simply apply a "class" tag to any elements we want this technique to apply to. But to really fuck things up we throw a whole shitload of nested <div> tags in the mix:

<div class='blonk'>
<div class='blonk'>
<div class='blonk'>
(etc...)
<p class='blonk'>Some shit goes here</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
(etc...)

And then we write just a tiny bit more code, simiilar but much worse than the last:

<script type="text/javascript">
//Two timers to make it kinda jerky and twitchy:
var longdelay=100; // change to adjust speed
var shortdelay=10;

var delay=longdelay;
var positive = 0;

// Evil array of evil color evilness:
var colors=["#ff00ff","#ffff00","#00ffff","#880088","#ff8800","#ff0000","#00ff00","#0000FF"];
var c=0;
function blonk() {
  var annoyances = document.getElementsByClassName('blonk');
  for (var i=annoyances.length - 1; i>=0; i--) {
    var b = annoyances[i];
    b.style.border="0.5em solid " + colors[c];
    if (positive === 1) {
      b.style.visibility = (b.style.visibility === 'visible') ? 'hidden' : 'visible';
      positive = 0;
    } else {
      b.style.visibility = (b.style.visibility === 'hidden') ? 'visible' : 'hidden';
      positive = 1;
    }
    if (i>=c) { // make the blinking a bit twitchy
      delay=(longdelay * 3)/2.5 + (shortdelay *c);
    } else {
      delay=shortdelay;
    }
    if (c < colors.length) {
      c++;
    } else {
      c=0;
      positive=1;
    }
    b.style.color=colors[c];
   }
   window.setTimeout(blonk, delay);
}

blonk();
</script>

And the result is gloriously, hideously, afwul!

Now that's just plain fucked up!

Oregon's Dumbest... Aw fuck it!

Oregon's Stupidest Fucking Shithead Glibertarian is at it again.

All you need to know about today's stupidity is that "taxation is theft" -- as if that's a new and clever idea -- and that everybody was better off 100 years ago before income taxes.

No really, that's pretty much it.

I really can't even bother with this shithead anymore, it's just not worth it. I mean you'd think he would at least try!

Fuck it.

RIP Blinky

A sad, sad day. The much-maligned <blink> tag is being removed from the last browser that supported it, Firefox.

Thankfully, we can easily come up with an even more annoying alternative, our own special programmatic "blink" that has adjustable speed and alternating blinkage.

First, apply a "class" attribute to whatever you want to blink:

<div class='blink'><p>PUT ANNOYING BLINKY STUFF HERE</p></div>

You can use tags other than <div> -- <span> is a good choice too. Note that more than one item can have the same "class" so you can do that multiple times. In fact you should, because that way they'll alternate states and be extra annoying.

Now, add just a tiny bit of code:

<script type="text/javascript">
var delay=100; // change to adjust speed

function annoy() {
  var annoyances = document.getElementsByClassName('blink');
  var positive=1;
  for (var i=annoyances.length - 1; i>=0; i--) {
    var b = annoyances[i];
    if (positive === 1) {
      b.style.visibility = (b.style.visibility === 'visible') ? 'hidden' : 'visible';
      positive = 0;
    } else {
      b.style.visibility = (b.style.visibility === 'hidden') ? 'visible' : 'hidden';
      positive = 1;
    }
   }
   window.setTimeout(annoy, delay);
}

annoy();
</script>

Presto:

THIS SHOULD ANNOY EVERYONE

BUT IF IT DOESN'T HOW ABOUT THIS TOO?

Oh yeah, that's the stuff. The blink is dead, long live the blink!

UPDATE: I fixxorated it so it'll work (hopefully) with a new-ish version of Internet Exploder too. Woudln't want bbkf and Mooser to miss out.

Filler

Urgh, Monday. Blargh.

Here, have three-plus hours of Frank Zappa to brighten up your day:

Oregon's Dumbest Glibertarian, cont. Again.

Oregon's Dumbest Glibertarian has a new article in today's campus paper. (See here and here for the previous installments if you can stand it.)

Today we get the pleasure anguish of reading yet another article about same-sex marriage. Because nobody else in the media is talking about it from that super-special-snowflake of glibertarian perspective. Or something. At least the glibertarians usually want to allow same sex marriage, like sane people should. Unfortunately that's typically where the sanity stops with them, and indeed we'll see that here as well.

As with the last installment in this series, he starts off in semi-sane mode, if you're willing to ignore the usual "government must stay out of governing" angle:

Since the Supreme Court heard arguments for and against gay marriage last week, the bandwagon for marriage equality returned. However, the real issue remains dormant on both sides. We should not be asking government to give us “marriage equality.” Instead, the government should have no part in marriage.

Of course, it immediately continues to accelerate downhill from there:

Marriage has existed longer than the government. Marriage is not a product of the government. Many people believe marriage comes from religion and in America, we have the separation of church and state, but many other ideas of marriage exist, as well. Regardless of any one view, why does the government regulate marriage when it should not?

That's some awesometastic sentence construction there. Good thing you don't write for a newspaper or anything. But yes, why does the evil government have an interest in regulating marriage? It's not like society has any interest in encouraging healthy relationships between people. That's why we also don't regulate any sorts of violence between individuals. And have no regulations whatsoever about interaction between folks in various transactions and how various people treat other people. Because America! FREEDUMB! Fuck yeah! WOLVERINES!!!

Oh wait, what do you mean we do have all sorts of laws and regulations about all sorts of relationships between people? Contracts and such between folks that want to conduct trade without the threat of violence? Oh, yeah, we do! How silly of me.

But still, this one particular form of relationship is one the government should stay completely out of. Uh, because freedom, I guess? Let's see what he thinks:

The government requires marriage licenses in order to call a couple married. But what business of the government's is it if two people want to, and do, get married? The government should not have any rules about it. The government even requires marriage licenses. Why? The original intent of marriage licenses was to prevent interracial marriages. Marriage license laws began in the mid-1800s to stop whites from marrying anyone who was not white. By the 1920s, 38 states had state laws prohibiting the marriage of whites with other ethnicities.

As is his typical pattern, now he's just started making shit up. While he's correct about about states in the '20s specifically using laws to prevent interracial marriage, his assertion that the "original intent" was to prevent them is laughably false. Marriage licenses have been around since at least the middle ages, and were all about contracts between families. That is something glibertarians usually like, sacredfreemarket and all that. I should really stop being surprised by this guy's complete lack of historic knowledge and/or utter contempt for facts, but whatever.

At this point we know how this is going to end, and indeed it proceeds down through all the standard glibertarian tropes of evil government stealing people's money and freedom. I can't be arsed to dissect the rest of it, so just read it if you must. Here's the concluding paragraph:

Marriage equality may be the big uproar right now, but we need to look at the bigger picture. The government erodes our freedoms, and turning to them for more laws and oversight will only wear away at the few freedoms we have left. We need to tell the government to get out of marriage, to get out of our lives, and not return.

At this point I think he only wants the government to stop regulating marriage so he'll finally be able to marry Ayn Rand's corpse. I hope somebody's keeping an eye on her grave.

Not beer...

...but I may just make an exception for this.

And my whining last post paid off -- 75 degrees (nearly a record) and sunny over the weekend. About fucking time.

Spring?

Know how I can tell it's spring? 'Cause all of a sudden it's fucking cold out and there's more snow in the foothills than there has been since December. And it might actually snow here tonight too.

Just in time for me to take a week off for spring break. If only I were actually going someplace warm instead of just planning on being lazy for a week.

But hey, at least I get the bonus of allergy season starting up too. Yay.

Anniversaries

Evidently my blahg turned 2 a couple weeks ago. No wonder it's been acting all childlike and squirrelly. At least it's potty trained. Mostly.

I think there was some other important anniversary of another horrible awful no-good stupid event recently too. I don't want to talk about that one though.

Modes of Transport

For the discerning modern college student there are a variety of popular modes of transport. We shall examine here two traditional examples.

First we have the simple motor car, a favorite of many. Drawbacks include parking issues on a cramped campus (illustrated here by illegally parking in a faculty lot), and the inherent douchiness of driving around a $114,200 Audi R8 as a college student.

We shall assume that as the day brightened and the frosty morning chill wore off, this student decided to drop by home and pick up a more seasonal and breezy ride. Also a favorite among students, the motor scooter offers that can't-be-beat wind-in-the-hair motoring experience with a bonus of abundant free parking near campus. Additional pluses on our example below include the forward-mounted rocket launcher and advanced fan-propulsion and lifting rotor system to evade pursuit by campus security. Far superior to any mere German sports coupe on a sunny day.

Headline

Teaser headline in TPM's "Daybreaker" e-mail this morning:

It's as if the headline is missing a certain something... Something like:

Position On Incest Remains Firm.

Yeah, that'd work.

Poot

The preview image may be fuckeded, if so just click the damn thing. Also, it's probably too slow. Photoshoooop seems to want to make it slow, and I can't be arsed to fix it right now. Sosumi.

UPDATE: Substance came to the rescue.

Fire Up Again

A certain zombie insisted in comments on my earlier masterpiece of photoshoopery that it was deficient because the bassoon's mouthpiece was being used as a trigger and not being blown into as it should.

FINE!

But see, then the "fire" coming out doesn't really fit (unless our soldier has really bad breath). So then I had to take that out too:

I guess that works. Not sure I like these better than the first one, but it'll be easier to animate if I ever get around to that.

UPDATE: As suggested by "Schroeder" in comments:

(needed two versions for use on various backgrounds)

Fire Up The Bassoons!

For teh Zombie:

I should send the PSD file to Substance for the full animatronic treatment. Or I could figure out how to do the cheezy animations myself.

Update: For full effect you really need to click the image to see it in its full-resolution transparent glory. Just sayin'

For Substance

That righteous Substance McGravitas recently posted one way to handle messing with some text files. There are easier ways to go about it, and I am a helpful beer snob:

Sample file contents:

---

% cat pissoff.list 
fuck you
you fucking wanker
go fuck yourself
% 

% cat wanker.list 
useless git
bollocks
bloody hell
%

---

What Substance wants to do is take those input files and wrap them in some simple XML. PERL is perfect for this job. Here's a quickly whipped up program to do so:

---

#!/usr/bin/perl

if ($#ARGV < 0) {
    print STDERR "\nUsage: abuse [files...]\n\n";
    print STDERR "I know you came here for abuse,";
    print STDERR " but you still need files as arguments.\n";
    print STDERR "Output goes to STDOUT, you probably "
    print STDERR "want to redirect it somewhere\n\n";
    exit(1);
}

print "<XML>\n";

foreach $file (@ARGV) {
    if (-r $file) {
 open(FILE, "$file");
 @lines = <FILE>;

 foreach $line (@lines) {
     chomp($line);
     print "<words>\n\t<data>$line</data>\n</words>\n";
 }
 close(FILE);
    } else {
 print STDERR "Can't read $file -- skipped\n";
    }
}

print "</XML>\n";

---

Save that as a file called something (in my case I saved it as "abuse" -- just 'cause). Make it executable:

---

%chmod 755 abuse

---

Now run it with our two files:

---

% ./abuse pissoff.list wanker.list 
<XML>
<words>
 <data>fuck you</data>
</words>
<words>
 <data>you fucking wanker</data>
</words>
<words>
 <data>go fuck yourself</data>
</words>
<words>
 <data>useless git</data>
</words>
<words>
 <data>bollocks</data>
</words>
<words>
 <data>bloody hell</data>
</words>
</XML>

---

To store the output in a file, simply redirect the output somewhere using standard shell redirection:

---

% ./abuse pissoff.list wanker.list > fuckyou.xml

---

It took me twice as long to write this post than it did to write the code. PERL is a damn handy thing to have around.

Compare & Contrast

New OSU "Beaver" logo:

Designed by the wizards at Nike, along with corresponding new uniform designs for all the various sports.

Here is the current logo that one is replacing:

That one was a redesign they did back in 2000. After the original Benny Beaver had been around since 1951. You'd think we could hang onto this one for longer than that, but I guess not.

Anyway, here is an actual beaver:

(creative commons photo credit: Tancread@flickr)

Uncanny, eh?

Evidently the students seem to like the new look, so that's good I guess. Of course the real reason for the change is most likely to encourage the thousands of idiotic football fans to buy replacement replica outfits so they can "support" their team while they watch "student athletes" continue to be exploited by the NCAA. I'm sure OSU and Nike came to a mutually profitable understanding about all this. I'm also pretty sure only a tiny portion of this (if any) will actually ever trickle down to the University's general fund. So it is, so shall it ever be.

Oregon's Dumbest Glibertarian, cont.

I wish this wasn't part two of a continuing series.

Oregon's Dumbest Glibertarian is at it again, with another column in today's college paper.

I can't be arsed to do a full-fledged analysis, so I'll just go through a few of the lowlights in the first few paragraphs. You can read the rest on your own if you have the brain cells to lose.

Recently, the sequester has been a big topic. Congress has been debating the sequester in an effort to strike a deal to avoid the “catastrophic” problems we would otherwise face. The political left says without an agreement, cuts would send us into another recession and people wouldn’t be able to eat. The right says that without coming to an agreement, the military would face huge cuts, leaving us vulnerable to attacks.

Ok, other than the scare quotes around "catastrophic" that's not all that bad to start. For bonus points, try to predict where he's going based on this opening paragraph. Anyway, continuing:

But the sequester isn’t alone in topics debated by Congress this year. As the calendar approached Jan. 1, Congress was debating the debt ceiling to avoid the fiscal cliff. We technically went over the fiscal cliff since a deal wasn’t made by Jan. 1. When we “went over the fiscal cliff,” nothing happened. The earth didn’t collapse inward. The sun didn’t burn out. And with the sequester, we don’t have anything to worry about either.

Ah, that's more like it! I especially love the exceedingly grand straw man cliff he fights. And "going over the fiscal cliff" now means "technically, the calendar went past fiscal cliff day and even though the issues were dealt with the next day before we had a chance to hit the ground at the bottom of the cliff, we still totally fell over that cliff." That is exactly the same thing as if the evil useless government did nothing 'cause they're a bunch of know-nothing poopyheads covered in poop.

Continuing directly:

But the real questions and debates shouldn’t center on whether Congress will make an agreement in time, or which side is correct about the repercussions if a deal isn’t made. The real question we should ask is, “Why does the decision of only 535 congressmen in Washington, D.C., control what happens to all 300 million people in the country?”

Wow. He may have managed to outdo the stupidity with this. He actually does not seem to know that our wacky system of government consists of a "representative democracy" where "we the people" elect "representatives" to "represent" us in the decision making process. Really, he doesn't understand this. Read the rest of the damn article if you don't believe me — that is the article's entire point.

He says some other really stupid shit and manages to get a bunch of stuff wrong about The Great Depression and economics (as usual) too, but I don't have the energy to go into that.

At this point I should really start taking bets on which wingnut welfare publication hires him.

Sounds of Spring

All of a sudden after a couple halfway warm days, the frogs are out in force.

Those in the midwest buried under yet another snowstorm can either take this as a taunt, or as a reminder that spring will eventually show up...

Sea Quest. Or?

Once again the fucking idiots in charge of this country have managed to manufacture a completely unnecessary and imaginary crisis and freak right the fuck out about it. And then let it actually happen. Our gloriously useless press is more than happy to cheer on the debacle. They go along because this imaginary self-created crisis perfectly reflects the unfortunately very real beltway consensus that if only there were some perfect, reasonable, moderate people or party in government everybody would get together and talk about reasonable, moderate solutions to this completely imaginary and unnecessary crisis. All while ignoring the few, y'know, actual reasonable people yelling at them. 'Cause "Eew, ick, who wants to talk to a liberal they're always right about everything and so uncivil and so smug. Let's see if we can see what John McCain thinks! He's mavericky!"

Fuck. There haven't been enough fucks in this post yet. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

You may be able to tell that I'm more than a little annoyed by this. Yeah, it's personal. My livelihood relies on money from the ebil gubmint. I actually end up saving we taxpayers a pretty decent amount of money because I do the work of the equivalent of about 10 six-figure-salaried federal workers back in DC. I know this is true because they call me to do projects they can't manage to finish. And I don't mind, really -- they're good folks, generally. They mean well, they just work in a completely dysfunctional bureaucracy that values the quantity of meetings you attend over the work you produce.

Nothing has been solidified yet, but there's a pretty decent chance my project (a long running project that actually benefits the general public) will get chopped because of this. We've already been running bare-bones ever since the cuts a few years ago, and we can't absorb another one. It's too bad, I've been producing some especially good work recently -- I finished my most recent project on time and on-budget yesterday in spite of them constantly interrupting me with work on unrelated projects. It's pretty darn cool and has been well received by the folks that have heard about it and seen previews. It may all just be flushed down the shitter along with thousands and thousands of similar projects done by similar unknown wage slaves all over this country just because we're ruled by a cult of Austerity-worshiping center-right fools.

Fuck.

I can get another job, and have options lined up. I'll be fine. Fucking pissed, but fine.

Oh well, might as well see what else I can get done before we get chopped...

The Church

Jesus & Mo get it right with today's comic, as usual:

Random

Here, have something random and weird from the guy behind the Pictures For Sad Children webcomic.

Grand Cru

If you haven't had Rodenbach Grand Cru and you like sour things, you simply must go find this beer immediately.  If you can get ahold of the harder-to-find and more expensive "2007 Vintage" version, even better.

Damn this is one amazing brew. Yum!

Valentine Sunset

Damn nice sunset last night:

I really like the shadow cast by Mary's Peak (approx 4200' tall) upward onto the clouds.

Cheerful

Here, have an uplifting and delightfully cheerful song for St. Valentine's day:

Oh, wait, did I say "cheerful"? I meant "saddest fucking song ever" -- it's easy to get those mixed up.

Happy Valentine's day.

Something Different

Zero fucks given.

I like it, I really need to build something like this. I'd probably use an old Z-car instead though, always liked those.

Good Riddance

As I'm sure you've already heard, pope Ratz, chief enabler and coverup artist in the child-rapist cult that is the catholic church, is resigning. I'm sure he'll be succeeded by an equally horrible individual, but at least we can always fondly remember Ratz as The Sexy Soup Nazi.

Note also, in that linked LGM post this comment. It doesn't matter how many kids get raped how many indigenous cultures get destroyed, how many women are forced into lives of oppression and poverty -- there will always be a deluded mass to continue to believe in the infallibility of their magic sky cult.

UPDATE:

It turns out that covering up child rape isn't enough, when you get caught and have to payoff the victims, the classiest way to do it is to desecrate the dead just for good measure (found via Booman). Stay classy, catholics!

Oregon's Dumbest Glibertarian

I pointed out over on Sadly, No! recently that we seem to have the state's dumbest glibertarian writing a column for the campus paper. In a state that is home to Lars Larson, taking away the "dumbest glibertarian" crown is no small feat, but this guy is trying his damndest.

(The paper's website is complete and utter crap, so don't be surprised if it barely works most of the time if you click the links.)

Here are some short snippets from a few of his columns, just so you can get a feel for the stupidity without the need for full immersion:

Less intrusive government is key for better market, consumers

One of the biggest places in which the government invades our lives is through transportation. The government built, owns and maintains most of the roads in America. But to think we need the government to do any of this remains absurd. ... Henry Ford is the most revolutionary of them all. ... Ford sold cars to the common man at an affordable price, $850. Over the next few years, the price dropped to approximately $250. The government didn’t force Ford to do it. The government hadn’t taxed people heavily to build roads yet either. Ford sold cars to people before roads existed. ... Now that roads are owned by the government, prices skyrocket due to artificial demand the government has created by printing money.

I especially like this one because the lead sentence in the article is: "Today’s America consists of massive government intrusion and a lack of knowledge of history." And then he proceeds to completely fuck up the history of transportation in America. I mean "Ford sold cars to people before roads existed." is just absurd on its face for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that he must almost think that Henry Ford actually invented the wheel or something. Regardless, a nice quick search for road history in America might have led an actual thinking person to the League of American Bicyclists history page, where we find this:

The League began as the League of American Wheelmen (LAW) in 1880 -- Newport, R.I. was the location of our founding meeting -- and was responsible for defending the rights of cyclists from its start. The League of American Wheelmen is credited with getting paved roads in this country before the reign of the automobile.

And it's barely worth getting into the utter absurdity of thinking that private industry could have somehow built the railroads and interstate freeway system without government help. He doesn't even know basic history of the Transcontinental Railroad:

The construction and operation of the line was authorized by the Pacific Railroad Acts of 1862 and 1864 during the American Civil War. Congress supported it with 30-year U.S. government bonds and extensive land grants of government-owned land. Completion of the railroad was the culmination of a decades-long movement to build such a line. It was one of the crowning achievements in the crossing of plains and high mountains westward by the Union Pacific and eastward by the Central Pacific. Opened for through traffic on May 10, 1869, with the driving of the "Last Spike" at Promontory Summit, Utah, the road established a mechanized transcontinental transportation network that revolutionized the population and economy of the American West.

Yep, no government help there. Stupid government, can't do anything right!

Here's another gem:

Trillion-dollar coin will hyperinflate US currency

Although the U.S. government “averted” the fiscal cliff, a new proposal has risen that could send us maybe not off the fiscal cliff, but into hyperinflation and total destruction of the U.S. dollar. Paul Krugman, and others who have power or influence, but still don’t understand economics, have proposed the minting of a trillion-dollar coin.

(emphasis mine)

Yep, you guessed it, of course the rest of the article is about OMG FIAT CURRENCY! and ending the Federal Reserve and such. The best part of this though is that an earlier article is:

If only people understood economics

If people had a firm understanding of economics and the free market, we could have a much better world. ... Too many people comment on the subject of economics without a firm knowledge and understanding of it. The Austrian School of Economics has been the only school of economic thought that explains real-life behavior.

That really does just not need any further comment, the stupid stands tall and proud, all on it's own.

UPDATE:

In the comments ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© helpfully provided an excellent link to a really good series of articles about the Austrian school. Just in case nobody reads the comments, and so you don't have to dig up the links to the other two parts, here they are:

• Part I
• Part II
• Part III

And here's a podcast the author did covering the series and another article by the same author that is about the Austrian school and the constant libertarian yakking about gold.

All really good stuff, thanks ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©!