Tuesday, December 3, 2013

TIMELY WARNING

This urgent "Timely warning" from the Oregon State Police just showed up to my work email:

On Monday, December 2, 2013 Oregon State University received reports of three burglaries occurring in offices of University staff. The items stolen include a laptop computer, wallets, credit cards, cash, and identification. The credit cards were then used to make purchases at local merchants. Please take steps to protect your property. Do not leave your office unlocked, even for brief moments. Wallets, purses, book bags, and backpacks should not be left unattended.

Suspect #1
NAME:                  Unknown
RACE:                  African - American
GENDER:                Male
HAIR:                  Black
EYES:                  Brown
HEIGHT:                Tall Possibly 6’04”
WEIGHT:                Thin 195 – 200 lbs.
APPEARANCE:            Clean cut, no facial hair, wearing dark glasses
APPROXIMATE AGE:       20 – 30 years old

Suspect #2
NAME:                  Unknown
RACE:                  Unknown
GENDER:                Female
HAIR:                  Black, straightened, shoulder length
EYES:                  Unknown
HEIGHT:                5’06” – 5’07” tall
WEIGHT:                Medium build
APPROXIMATE AGE:       20 – 30 years old

If you see anyone matching this description on campus, do not approach or contact them. Call the Oregon State Police, University Patrol Office at 541-737-3010.

Please note that little bit of stuff I highlighted tt the end there. Yes, you read that right -- we're supposed to call the police if we see a tall 20-30 year old black dude, and/or an average 20-30 year old girl. ON A UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. It's certainly a good thing that people like that really stand out around here. The only way this could have been less specific is if we were supposed to look for a girl wearing leggings and Ugg™ boots.

This is an excellent use of police and campus resources, and will definitely lead to the suspect's imminent arrest. Yep, no doubt 'bout it.

4 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. And... he may have had a [dun dun dun...] BACKPACK!

      Delete
  2. should I call that number? because I am pretty certain I just saw a dude with a backpack.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You probably should, just to be "safe."

      Delete

By commenting here you're legally bound to buy me lots of yummy beer.