This doesn't happen around here very often.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
This urgent "Timely warning" from the Oregon State Police just showed up to my work email:
On Monday, December 2, 2013 Oregon State University received reports of three burglaries occurring in offices of University staff. The items stolen include a laptop computer, wallets, credit cards, cash, and identification. The credit cards were then used to make purchases at local merchants. Please take steps to protect your property. Do not leave your office unlocked, even for brief moments. Wallets, purses, book bags, and backpacks should not be left unattended.Suspect #1 NAME: Unknown RACE: African - American GENDER: Male HAIR: Black EYES: Brown HEIGHT: Tall Possibly 6’04” WEIGHT: Thin 195 – 200 lbs. APPEARANCE: Clean cut, no facial hair, wearing dark glasses APPROXIMATE AGE: 20 – 30 years old Suspect #2 NAME: Unknown RACE: Unknown GENDER: Female HAIR: Black, straightened, shoulder length EYES: Unknown HEIGHT: 5’06” – 5’07” tall WEIGHT: Medium build APPROXIMATE AGE: 20 – 30 years old
If you see anyone matching this description on campus, do not approach or contact them. Call the Oregon State Police, University Patrol Office at 541-737-3010.
Please note that little bit of stuff I highlighted tt the end there. Yes, you read that right -- we're supposed to call the police if we see a tall 20-30 year old black dude, and/or an average 20-30 year old girl. ON A UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. It's certainly a good thing that people like that really stand out around here. The only way this could have been less specific is if we were supposed to look for a girl wearing leggings and Ugg™ boots.
This is an excellent use of police and campus resources, and will definitely lead to the suspect's imminent arrest. Yep, no doubt 'bout it.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Employees of Oregon Beer Snob Enterprises®© LOL, LLC will not further discuss any appearances by employees at computer camp in the summer of '84 and will also not discuss or fondly remember sexy shenanigans between young beersnobs and female(s) of the nerdy kind at said camp.
Also: youth is wasted on the young.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
Thursday, November 14, 2013
While the photoshoopery is fun, the more mundane of our political realities are really fucking pissing me off. I'd really, really like to hope that this is a sign of some clever politicking that is ideally designed to quiet the constant barrage of noisy OMGWTFBBQ!? over the non-compliant policy cancellations. I dunno, I'd like to hope I guess. Anyway, the whole "MM-MUH PLAN! WHUT ABOUT MUH PRESHUS PLAN!" bullshit, along with Neil Young's recent birthday (68!) collided here:
I feel like it would be perfect if we adjust the lyrics a teensy bit for the current situation:
I caught them knockin' at my cellar door We love you, baby, can we have some more? Ooh, ooh, the damage done. I hit the city and I lost my friends I watched the needle take another plan Gone, gone, the damage done. I sing the song because I love the plan I know that some of you won't understand Milk-blood to keep from running out. I've seen the needle and the damage done A little part of it in everyone But every flunkie's like a settin' sun.
Meh, that'll work. As usual, vast readership, suggestions welcome in the comments.