Monday, December 15, 2014

Holiday Re-runs

No, this post is not about that racist fuckhead Santa and his shithead reindeer all ganging up on the shiny-nosed Montgomery Ward's mascot. No, this is just lazy blogging.

There was an anniversary recently. You know the one. Nothing's changed in two years, and I don't have anything more to add than what I did two years ago so I'm just gonna point you all to that and get back to our regularly-scheduled shittyness.

Happy holidays, I hope you don't get shot.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Whataboutery Wednesday

1. (of two communities in conflict) the practice of repeatedly blaming the other side and referring to events from the past

I have no idea why this word seems so relevant at this point in time. No idea at all. But I'm definitely gonna start using it more.

Here, have some music from a good Portland band:

You should buy the album.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Hey! White America...

And especially your "peace officers." Get your fucking shit together, you racist fuckwits. You deserve every bit of the backlash you're seeing, and that you don't understand that just underscores the massive problems with race this country still has.

Fuck you all.

(Disclaimer: I'm very, very white -- I hate that I have to be associated with the small(?) number of you racist shitheads in any way.)

Monday, November 24, 2014

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

We're Number One!

We're number one! We're number one!

1. Oregon
Standout stat: 6.3 craft breweries per 100,000
It should be noted that our entire editorial staff (except for Kryza, who lives in Portland and likes to tell people about it) was actively rooting against Big O in this ranking. It leads any booze-related national conversation on the strength of its unassailably dense beer scene, but OR's also third in wineries, fifth in distilleries, and 13th in bars per capita. Oh, did we mention craft beer and wine alone account for $4.6 billion in economic impact each year, and Oregonians drink 2.65 gallons of booze? Because it does, and they do. Basically, it's a big, boozy bully, and we wanted to take it down a peg or several. But the numbers don't lie -- The Beaver State is America's Booziest.

Suck it, you buncha sober losers. :-b

In a related study, extensive research has found that buying a new house and moving for the first time in eleventy-zillion years results in a dramatic increase in quantity of alcohol consumed. The study is ongoing, with an additional focus on examining any correlation between types of remodeling projects and choices of beverage.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Light(er) posting

I'm moving. There will be even fewer shitty posts than normal around here for a while. I know you're all terribly upset.

I guess I'll be nice awful and make sure you all know about the Cards Against Humanity's Holiday Bullshit for this year (hurry, less than 200,000 left, they'll go quick).

To tide you over until I post again, here is a mesmerizing picture of the McKenzie river I took a couple months ago:

(click to embigginate)

That is all, we now return you to your regularly scheduled blogoscape. See you on the flipside, if I survive.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

High Stateciety

While the rest of you losers out there in the great wasteland known as 'Murka lick your wounds, here in Beervana, we remained (relatively) sane and easily re-elected our surprisingly-not-completely-useless Democrats, and legalized pot. Overwhelmingly, also, too: 703,275 to 579,188. Took us a few tries over the last couple cycles, but hey, I'll take it.

Fuck. Yeah.

So, come July (yeah, unfortunately it'll be a while before the law takes effect), I think I'll brew up an inaugural batch of Mary Jane Ale wherein I legally toss in a gram or two of legal pot along with the hops. I'd replace all the hops with pot, but hops are only $4 an ounce, and beer needs multiple ounces... You do the math.

I've been avoiding the news other than this, since when I glanced at it briefly all I saw was "OMG NEW REPUBLICAN MAN-DATE LET'S HEAR FROM CHRIS CHRISTIE ABOUT HOW AWESOME THIS ALL IS AND WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR 2016!!!!?!?!!!?!?!?" -- is there any other good news to glean from the otherwise shitty midterms out there in your necks of the woods?

Whoah, I almost forgot the obligatory soundtrack: