"WTF?" A poem.

I wrote a sort of poem-like thing for you. You're welcome.

WTF?

We tell fables
wanting to feel
we're truly free.

Well, that's finished.
We're totally fucked.
Welcome to fascism!

(image credit -- KC Green, Gunshow)

Outsourcing

I'm outsourcing today's post to XKCD:

(tap/click/whatever to embiggen)

Boo!

Happy Halloween! May none of your candy be Necco® Wafers.

Timeless Tuesday

(Alternate title: Happy Spooktober)

They just don't make cartoons like they used to. Also, get off my lawn.

If you want to skip ahead, the best part is a very surreal rendition by Cab Calloway of "St. James Infirmary" at the 4:18 point.

Newly Discovered Video...

...of Brave Sir Robin Ryan's brave stance against the Rapey Orange Shitgibbon:

How To Draw A Pig, An Animated Guide

(Found/stolen from here.)

Edited to add: WTF HAPPENED TO MY BLOGROLL!? GAWDAMMIT BLOGGER!

Here Be Dragons

I'm gonna check out for a while. I've recently discovered it's way more healthy both mentally and physically for me to wonder around outside and catch imaginary monsters with my phone, instead of obsessing about the real-life monsters involved in this stupid fucking election. I'll be back... oh I'd guess about Wednesday, November 9th. Yeah, that sounds like a good, completely random day.

Friday Funnies

Ok, this actually is from Tuesday, but I just got around to reading it. From Harper's Weekly Review:

President Barack Obama gave a speech in which he said that he saw “Americans of every party” pledge allegiance “under the same proud flag,” and a protestor outside the convention attempted to stomp on a burning American flag and lit herself on fire. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced that he wouldn’t endorse Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan for reelection, kicked a crying baby out of a rally in Virginia, asked Russia to steal U.S. State Department emails, reportedly asked three times during a national-security briefing why the United States shouldn’t use nuclear weapons, and said he wanted to hit a “little guy” so hard “his head would spin.” Researchers in the United Kingdom discovered an orangutan that mimics human conversations.

The emphasis is mine — usually they end with a clever non sequitur. I wonder why they didn't this time...?

Cantillon

Lou Pepe Gueuze, Cantillon Brewery, Belgium.

Used to be able to get this at the local bottle shop any time, then it caught on and became sought after and (more) expensive. Happy to have been able to grab one today when given the chance.

TRUMP PENCE

Bad Ads

This is normally Tengrain's beat, but I figure'd I could do one since it's local:

(click to show detail)

I think somebody took this ad campaign just a little too seriously.

Auto Erotic

You Are On The Fastest Available Route

Sabotage

I just saw this unclassified OSS (CIA) document about sabotage techniques during WWII and although it's not new, it's new to me, so I figured I'd share.

If you don't feel like reading a PDF (or visiting the CIA website), I've provided a screenshot of the best part, page 28/29:

I've also taken the liberty of cleaning up the OCRed text for easy reading:

11. General Interference with Organizations and Production
    1. Organizations and Conferences
       1. Insist on doing everything through "channels." Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.
       2. Make "speeches," Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your "points" by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate "patriotic" comments.
       3. When possible, refer all matters to committees, for "further study and consideration." Attempt to make the committees as large as possible - never less than five.
       4. Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.
       5. Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.
       6. Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision
       7. Advocate "caution." Be "reasonable" and urge your fellow-conferees to be "reasonable" and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.
       8. Be worried about the propriety any decision -- raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the jurisdiction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.
    2. Managers and Supervisors
       1. Demand written orders.
       2. "Misunderstand" orders. Ask endless questions or engage in long correspondence about such orders. Quibble over them when you can.
       3. Do everything possible to delay the delivery of orders. Even though parts of an order may be ready beforehand, don't deliver it until it is completely ready.
       4. Don't order new working materials until your current stocks have been virtually exhausted, so that the slightest delay in filling your order will mean a shutdown.
       5. Order high-quality materials which are hard to get. If you don't get them argue about it. Warn that inferior materials will mean inferior work.
       6. In making work assignments, always sign out the unimportant jobs first. See that the important jobs are assigned to inefficient workers of poor machines.
       7. Insist on perfect work in relatively unimportant products; send back for refinishing those which have the least flaw. Approve other defective parts whose flaws are not visible to the naked eye.
       8. Make mistakes in routing so that parts and materials will be sent to the wrong place in the plant.
       9. When training new workers, give incomplete or misleading instructions.
       10. To lower morale and with it, production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work.
       11. Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.
       12. Multiply paper work in plausible ways. Start duplicate files.
       13. Multiply the procedures and clearances involved in issuing instructions, pay checks, and so on. See that three people have to approve everything where one would do.
       14. Apply all regulations to the last letter.

If any of it looks familiar, you too have worked in a modern American office. From sabotage to standard operating procedure in 70 short years. PROGRESS!

Obligatory soundtrack for this post:

Put Your Guns Away

America! The Beer!

I'm sure you've all heard the exciting news that InBev is renaming Budweiser to America!. What some of you may not have heard is that they've got an innovative new can coming too. For the first time ever, a manufacturer has been able to boldly leverage the synergies of cheap, flexible LCD screens, thin, disposable/recyclable batteries, and an innovative new bonding agent, to come up with the first animated GIF beer can!

Oregon Beer Snob Industries, LLC®™©☺ is proud to announce a sneak preview of the first can that will be released:

(click to enhance detail)

Other designs may be forthcoming, but it'll be hard to top this classic embodiment of the 'Murican spirit. Drink up, assholes!

For no particular reason whatsoever

(click for embiggenation)

I can't resist an I told you so for all the naysayers. I even won a beer bet on this -- the only good thing to come of it.

Also, too: this felt good. Futile, but good:

So, what are everybody's plans when Preznit Trump is elected? I think I'mma build a wall around my house, and make my neighbors pay for it.

WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

Guns 'n' Ammo

I watched some of Maddow's one-on-one with HRC last night. Among a generally-quite-good exchange about guns, this bit jumped out at me at the time:

I am determined we're going to save lives and we're going to do it by taking on the gun lobby and getting common sense gun safety measures. But we're also going to do it by addressing the gun violence culture. Too many young in particular are turning to guns to settle disputes, grievances, resentments. We have got to help our young people understand guns are never an answer and there have to be other ways. And that's going to take all of us working in our schools, working through our churches and our houses of worship.

'Cept when they're the answer to every single international conflict, ever, right?

Mrs. Clinton's slightly-more-hawkish-than-Obama tendencies are one of the only things that bothers me about her being president. We're already way too deep in the world's shit, I'd rather not we keep jumping in new shitpiles every chance we get. I wish Bernie were as good at pulling her left on that as he seemingly has been on the economy.

Happy Erf 20 (two) Day

Or whatever. It's weird to see these ads in the local alt weekly. Weird, but good.

RRUBBBIT

The creator's channel. You needed to know about this. You're welcome.

Ante up

Finally

All This And Frank Sinatra, Jr., Too

(By the way, he died.)

Happy Patrick's Day

UPDATE! AROO! From Smut Clyde in the comments:

Isn't it cute?

A Shorter

Normally, a "Shorter" from me would be addressed at some right wing hack and nobody should get out of the boat to read the original. But today, since this person doesn't allow comments I have one from the good side, and you are encouraged to get out of the boat:

Shorter, The Rude Pundit:

"Hey, Marco! It is the Ides Of March..."

Do it Li'l Marco, you know you want to.

A Challenger Appears

Did somebody say Selfie's with lions?

Of course, I don't only have lions. I also have sacrilegious Dali/Python mashups...

Useful reaction images...

And that means:

Shorter Republican Establishment

It's absolutely inconceivable that a Republican candidate's not-so-subtle racism would lead to big wins in the Southern primaries!

No, I've never heard of Lee Atwater, why do you ask?

Of especially delightful idiocy, we have Peggy Fucking Noonan of all people flipping out over the GOP's "new" racism and calling it a "Civil War." Which leads me to this bonus alternate shorter for Pegs:

Yes, I know Philadelphia, Mississippi is a nice place to visit this time of year. What exactly are you getting at?

Today's Republican Voter, Illustrated

This one... or that one...
This one... or that one...
So hard to decide.
[sigh]

You should click to see full resolution, honest.

The 2016 Presidential Race...

...as represented by old Pink Floyd songs.

Lots of this:

An amazing amount of this:

And a place to retire to when it's all over:

This country is so fucked.

Zombie Bait

(source: somebody on imgur via somebody on facebook that's watermarked in the image)

I Saw A Debate T'other Night, Oh Boy*

As a service, I provide a concise summary:

* No, I actually didn't.

Also, too: Go see Deadpool. It's juvenile and raunchy and everything a traditional superhero movie isn't.

NH By The Important Numbers

At least we know the dems have a solid, rational alternative if something happens to the front runners. Not that O'Malley dude though, he's fuckin' bonkers.

VERMINMENTUM!

Relevant comic is relevant

source: Diesel Sweeties

Chill the fuck out Hillarybots and Berniebros, m'kay? There's an ongoing trainwreck called "The GOP" that's way more fun to watch, so let that entertain you instead.

Please?

Kthxbai

A Purdy Pitcher

TreesFogSun

(click to embiggen)

Ant Rand

Source: "Hungover Bear And Friends" at McSweeney's

(Yes, evidently I am turning this into yet another "post other people's stuff 'cause I can't think of shit to create myself" blog.)

That explains 2016 so far

Source: smbc-comics.com

Was there a lottery or something recently?

Never change, Japan. Never change.

Contingency

Sleep well, Starman

Sad news this morning. Have some (relatively) obscure stuff from his early career in memoriam.

Drive In Saturday, in which post-apocalyptic folks forget how to have sex:

Oh! You Pretty Things -- make way for Homo Superior:

Width Of A Circle -- gods and demons and sex.

R.I.P.

The truth of what really happened to the dinosaurs

Finally, somebody comes up with a proper hypothesis:

Also, too: today this blog reached 77,777 page views. Woo.