Ok, this actually is from Tuesday, but I just got around to reading it. From Harper's Weekly Review:
President Barack Obama gave a speech in which he said that he saw “Americans of every party” pledge allegiance “under the same proud flag,” and a protestor outside the convention attempted to stomp on a burning American flag and lit herself on fire. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced that he wouldn’t endorse Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan for reelection, kicked a crying baby out of a rally in Virginia, asked Russia to steal U.S. State Department emails, reportedly asked three times during a national-security briefing why the United States shouldn’t use nuclear weapons, and said he wanted to hit a “little guy” so hard “his head would spin.” Researchers in the United Kingdom discovered an orangutan that mimics human conversations.
The emphasis is mine — usually they end with a clever non sequitur. I wonder why they didn't this time...?